


All the Things I'm Thinking

by Auber_Gine_Dreams



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, idolverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:06:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26256118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auber_Gine_Dreams/pseuds/Auber_Gine_Dreams
Summary: “I’m too tired,” Jeonghan says even as his hands find their way under Joshua’s shirt, skin still heated from the water.Joshua’s breath is warm on the side of his neck. “That’s not what you said in New York.”“We aren’t in New York anymore.”--or--Joshua and Jeonghan spend some quality time together after the show
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 16
Kudos: 154
Collections: K-Pop Ficmix 2020





	All the Things I'm Thinking

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sysupportgroup](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sysupportgroup/gifts).
  * Inspired by [close ain't close enough](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23784268) by [sysupportgroup](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sysupportgroup/pseuds/sysupportgroup). 



> Title is from "Close" by Nick Jonas.

Jeonghan is so exhausted by the time they get back to the hotel that it’s a miracle he showers at all. It’s a combined effort, Joshua scrubbing the hairspray out of his hair, Jeonghan resting against the wall and soaping every inch of Joshua’s skin, hands kneading the tightness from his shoulders until he finally relaxes. It takes far longer than it should, but as soon as they are under the covers he’s glad Joshua tugged him into the bathroom.

Jeonghan can tell Joshua is up to something just from the way he exhales. They can still surprise each other, even after all this time, but more often their mischief is a willing surrender.

“I’m too tired,” Jeonghan says even as his hands find their way under Joshua’s shirt, skin still heated from the water. 

Joshua’s breath is warm on the side of his neck. “That’s not what you said in New York.”

“We aren’t in New York anymore.”

Joshua huffs against his skin, shifting so he’s fully on top of him, leg pressed between Jeonghan’s thighs. The air outside is frigid, piles of snow on the edges of the sidewalks that remind him of snowboarding in Japan, but under Joshua he’s burning up, skin set ablaze with each press of his fingertips. Chicago has treated them well. They even lucked out on rooming together, no need to beg for a trade this time. 

“We aren’t,” Joshua says, a warm, dangerous smile on his face. “So no rock paper scissors this time.”

(Being an idol means giving away pieces of yourself, scraps of knowledge consumed hungrily by fans until there isn’t much left of you at all. When you’re young everything seems like a small price to pay for the stage. When Jeonghan is 19 he meets Hong Jisoo, Joshua, his introduction given in carefully annunciated Korean that makes Jeonghan feel a little like a wolf sighting down prey. He is far too kind, too shiny and new for the life they are about to lead, and Jeonghan thinks he will never last. 

Later that week, he finds Joshua in the practice room, mirror fogged with steam, his shirt clinging to his small frame with sweat. Determination is contagious, and Jeonghan asks to join him before he really understands what he’s asking for. Joshua takes him in from head to toe before giving him a nod, the faintest hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth. Even in the harsh environment of trainee life, maybe there is room for one friend.)

“Are you feeling better?” Joshua pants when they break apart, his hand cradling Jeonghan’s cheek like he’s going to pass out at any moment. Their noses brush when he goes in for another kiss. 

“Isn’t that my line?” 

His fingers trace Joshua’s shoulder blade, up and up until he’s hovering over his temple. He leans in and Jeonghan opens his palm, lets him press his head against his hand.

“If I wasn’t okay I wouldn’t be trying to get in your pants,” he answers, eyes half-lidded. 

The truth is Jeonghan is exhausted. He could tuck his hands behind his head and be asleep in five minutes, but there is only so much time they get like this, alone and uninterrupted. He can sleep on the plane, anyway.

“Oh?” He smirks up at Joshua, fingers working their way back down his body, spreading wide over his back. “You haven’t had enough of me yet, sweetheart?”

Joshua’s eyes simmer. He rubs Jeonghan’s cheek gently, thumb swiping over his bottom lip, pressing against it like he’s testing the ripeness of a peach.

“How many times do I have to say that I’m not your sweetheart.”

Jeonghan cants his hips into the friction of Joshua’s leg and lets his tongue swipe over his thumb, their eyes locked. The darkness he finds there is thrilling even after all this time.

(Homesickness eats away at Joshua until he is curled in on himself against the bright green wall of their practice room, head buried in his knees, soft hiccuping sobs because he thinks he’s alone and no one will hear him. Jeonghan sits next to him and wraps an arm around his shoulders. He bumps their shoulders together and just stays there. Joshua can cry or he can talk about it, whatever he wants. Jeonghan is familiar with the feeling, but he knows an hour bus ride hardly compares to leaving your entire life half-way around the world. 

“It’s you and me”, he whispers like a prayer in Joshua’s ear. “Just hold on a little longer.”

What he doesn’t say is, _if you need a home I will make you one_. This he holds like a prayer in his heart. He has never felt like this before.)

Exhaustion makes both of them lazy. Joshua’s hand strokes his cock, palm slick with lube. His other hand is busy working two fingers inside of him. The slide is easy, his body still lax from New York. His movements are unhurried even though it’s well into the night. Joshua takes his time, twisting his fingers inside of him, thumb pressed to the underside of his cock, working him up until he’s panting, sheets twisted in his hands. Small, breathy sounds slip past his lips and Joshua smirks, thrusts his fingers deeper.

“Are you ready for me, sweetheart?” Joshua coos, fingers pressed to his prostate as he pumps his cock faster, teasing him in every way he can. Jeonghan’s body crackles with it, spine arching as he tries to roll his hips against Joshua’s fingers. For a moment he’s tempted to give Joshua a taste of his own medicine, to roll on top of him and ride him until they’re both spent, but then Joshua takes his fingers out and replaces them with his dick and Jeonghan stops thinking about anything at all.

(He kisses Joshua because it is the end of their first concert and adrenaline is the only thing keeping him upright, because he is 22 years old and Joshua’s eyeliner is smudged and he looks amazing, because more than anything else he _wants_ _to_. He doesn’t think Joshua will push him away, exactly, but he expects something a little different than hands sliding into his sweat-damp hair, pulling him closer.

Around them there is chaos, crew members shouting, the dull roar of fans, but between them is easy comfort. It is grounding in a way Jeonghan has never felt before. Immediately, he knows that he has to keep doing this, that even though Joshua’s mouth tastes stale from the stage he will coax everything out of him until he knows it like the back of his hand. The fans say he is carefree, easy-going and playful, but right now he feels like an animal. He sets his teeth against Joshua’s bottom lip and squeezes his waist. He wants and wants and wants.

It’s the first time he has ever kissed anyone. He feels like overripe fruit.)

  
  


“ _Fuck_ ,” Joshua growls, faint English against his neck. Jeonghan grinds their bodies together until Joshua is as deep as he can go. 

“You’re so sexy like this,” Jeonghan says. Joshua’s teeth slide against his skin and he keens, squeezing Joshua’s hips with his hands. He loses rhythm for a moment, too busy pressing kisses up to Jeonghan’s mouth to focus on anything else.

“Yeah? You think so?” 

Things between them are pretty equal. They both switch often enough it’s hard to say either of them has a preference in the bedroom. Jeonghan _does_ have a preference for the times Joshua is full of confidence, when he’s sure of himself and what he wants. It just so happens that he’s like this almost every time they come to America.

Joshua’s tongue slides against his and Jeonghan urges him to fuck him faster, pressing on his hips until he finally starts moving again. It’s still slow, an easy, comfortable thing, but each thrust is a delicious friction on his prostate coupled with the drag of Joshua’s stomach over his cock. It’s a lot. It’s not quite enough for him to come, but he doesn’t mind. With Joshua it’s always like this, teasing and fun but underneath is carefully guarded tenderness. 

_I missed you_ in every kiss. _I love you_ each time their bodies come together. 

They break apart and Jeonghan can’t stop a moaned out _please_ from slipping out without Joshua’s mouth to keep him busy.

“I need, _I —_ , “Jeonghan pants. 

Joshua presses a kiss to his cheek.

“I’ve got you,” he says, propping his weight on his hands and slamming inside of him.

(They pass each other around like bottles of soju, hidden under beds at first, frowned upon and out of sight, but then later out in the open. Everything means something when it’s on camera, every look, every touch analyzed frame by frame. There are rules to this like there are rules for everything. Not too much, not too often, and nothing serious outside of their dorms. There is a line they are expected to stay behind, but they all become experts at pushing their luck. 

Seungcheol kisses Jeonghan with a lazy, careful urgency. Seungcheol does _everything_ like it’s the last time he will ever get to, hands hot where they slide in the dip between his hip bones, Jeonghan palming him over his shorts.

Over the years, it is under blankets that Jeonghan learns them. The secrets they share with each other become their own kind of currency. It’s different with Joshua. It always has been. When Jeonghan sees Joshua backed against the mirror of the practice room, Seungcheol’s lips sliding down his neck, Jeonghan learns that there is something hungry and clawed inside of him. You cannot possess people, but that doesn’t make him want it any less.

He is careful with it in public, almost certain it can’t be pinpointed on camera, but sometimes his hands find Joshua and he cannot make himself let go.)

When he comes it’s with Joshua’s tongue in his mouth, Joshua’s hands cupping his face, Joshua’s body tight against his. It’s wet between their bodies, the slick slide making the head of Jeonghan’s cock oversensitive each time Joshua thrusts into him, chasing his own release. 

They break apart and Jeonghan shivers, fingers digging into the small of Joshua’s back. His eyes are shut, beads of sweat clinging to his neck. He is _everything_ like this.

“I love you,” Jeonghan says, pressing a kiss to Joshua’s cheek. His eyes open, hips stuttering as his rhythm falters. “I love you.”

His arms shake from how close he is. Jeonghan slots their mouths together again and Joshua comes, spilling inside of him as his hips slow and then stop. It hits him like a punch every time. Joshua is his and he is Joshua’s and they are everyone’s, really, but before that, they are each others’. He collapses on top of Jeonghan, panting, skin covered in a sheen of sweat.

“Heavy,” Jeonghan whines just to get under his skin. Joshua lifts his head and rolls his eyes. 

“We’re basically the same weight,” Joshua fires back, wrinkling his nose even as he grins. “ _And_ I know how strong you are. You’ll have to try harder if you want me to believe you.”

Jeonghan wraps his arms around Joshua’s back. “Fine. Stay, then. We can sleep like this.”

“Like this?” Joshua grinds his hips forward, sending a shiver of pleasure through him. “How are you going to explain this in the morning?”

 _Like everyone doesn’t know_ , Jeonghan almost says. Instead he tugs Joshua onto his side and kisses him, leg around his waist to keep him close. He makes a soft sound and melts against him. 

The truth is they are both a little weak for each other.

When they break apart Jeonghan sighs and eases Joshua out of him, rolling over to the other side of the bed for the towels they dropped on the floor. 

“You’re right,” he says, cleaning himself up as well as he can before tossing Joshua a towel of his own. “You’ll kick the blankets off and whoever comes in first will see everything.” When he turns back to face Joshua he smirks. “We can’t have that, now, can we?”

Joshua rolls his eyes. He slips out of bed long enough to find some lounge pants and an oversized shirt. He tosses a second set on the bed for Jeonghan. Once he’s dressed, he pulls back the blankets on the other bed, shivering as he settles under the cool sheets. 

Jeonghan dresses in silence. There’s a timer in his head, a clock counting down. _Five. Four_. He pulls on his pants. _Three. Two_. He tugs the shirt over his head.

 _One_.

“Are you really not coming?” Joshua asks. He’s got the blankets pulled up high enough that only his eyes are visible. 

Jeonghan runs a hand through his hair. “Of course I am.”

Joshua has already made the sheets significantly warmer, but Jeonghan still shivers as he settles in next to him. Chicago. The stage was hot, the weather unbelievably cold. Between the two of them, in the seclusion of their hotel room, is something in between. Just right.

“Love you, Joshuji,” Jeonghan murmurs against the back of his neck, eyes slipping shut as soon as his arm is around Joshua’s waist.

(There is everyone else and then there is Joshua. It’s some time between MingMing leaving and the start of filming for their reality show, Jeonghan pulling Joshua into his bed, legs tangled and hands clasped, that he tries to voice the tangle of feelings inside of him.

“It’s just me and you,” Jeonghan whispers, the words thick in his throat. He wonders if Joshua understands what he means. If there is really a need to spell it out. _You can’t leave me like that_.

Joshua’s thumb traces the back of his hand and it is weighted, heavy with emotions they don’t voice. Everything means something, now, and even though it’s only been two years they are nearly experts at this new language. 

Jeonghan looks at Wonwoo sometimes and it’s like staring at a stranger, but with Joshua, everything is laid bare. There is a word for this, but right now Jeonghan is terrified of it. 

Joshua’s mouth twitches, the barest hint of a smile. “Of course.” He squeezes Jeonghan’s hand. “Always.”)

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/woncheoling) // [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/tsukkitaeil)


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